Snow Damage
by Joy Law
Summary: "Evan...there was a storm last week. You didn't call me. I thought you were okay." No he hadn't called her. Because then he would have to admit that he wasn't filling his prescription. That fear kept him silent as the gentle storm raged around him. He was cowering under his blankets in his room, old names that have been lost to the times running in a list through his mind, instead.


North Dakota- Evan

South Dakota- Addison

Kansas- Liam/ Lillian

Oklahoma- Mia

Texas- Destiny

Connecticut- Sam

Minnesota- Isabelle/Ian

Manitoba- Jason

Saskatchewan- Mason

Montana- Anna

* * *

Addison threw the empty medicine bottle at his head instead of a good morning. Evan, who was leaning against the counter and drinking his coffee, flinched from the projectile without realizing what it was. It clattered into the sink and he glared at the see-through orange plastic container.

His head whipped back to his sister, who was fuming in the doorway. "Addie, what the hell?"

"You haven't filled your prescription since last year."

A swooping feeling of trepidation ran through him and he looked at anything that wasn't his sister.

"Evan?"

There was an awkward silence where he couldn't find new words to say. He'd already said that he didn't like the medicine almost every time they argued about it. He tried to claim that it made him sick to his stomach, but she didn't budge. There was nothing to say to try to get out of taking his medicine.

Addie sighed and seemed to drop the subject as she walked to the refrigerator.

"I had hoped you wouldn't notice," he whispered as she pulled out a bagel.

She didn't say anything, just cut her bagel in half with a little more force than necessary. She put her bagel in the toaster and leaned against the counter with her arms. Her long hair draped over her shoulder.

"Are you mad at me?"

She sighed and then shook her head, her hair rippling with the motion. "No, I'm not mad at you. I'm upset that you didn't tell me, and that I didn't even notice. Isabelle noticed before me. She suggested that I check to see while I was here and I didn't want to believe her."

Evan toed the floor with his foot. "I'm sorry...?"

"Ev, why did you stop?"

"I give you the same reason every time."

Addison breathed out, her shoulders falling. "Evan...there was a _storm_ last week. You didn't call me. I thought you were okay."

No he hadn't called her. Because then he would have to admit that he wasn't filling his prescription. That fear kept him silent as the gentle storm raged around him. He was cowering under his blankets in his room, old names that have been lost to the times running in a list through his mind, instead of calling his sister.

It was not a good night.

Her bagel popped and she turned her back on him to retrieve it from the toaster. She took the cream cheese out and began to slather her bagel with it. When she was done, her back still to him, she sighed and looked up to the ceiling.

"Evan, I don't know what to do. We've already tried cognitive therapy, EMDR, exposure therapy, group therapy, and now the medicine. There isn't much else we can do about it."

"We could ask Sam to take my memories."

Addison turned around and stared at him. "Sam would never do that."

"They did it for Destiny," Evan whined pathetically.

Addison glared at him, lips pressed into a tight line. "Yes, they did do that for Destiny. But she _begged_ Sam to, and even then they weren't too happy about the idea."

"But if I can get rid of the memories, then I can get rid of the PTSD."

She closed her eyes and sighed through her nose. "Just because Destiny does not remember a traumatic event doesn't mean that she doesn't suffer from it. In fact, it's harder for her. She doesn't know what will trigger her and Li, Mia, and her have spent the better part of a century figuring out just her triggers. At least you know what will trigger you."

"But so do you, and if I lose the memories, then I won't have that problem."

"Evan! Just because an event is forcibly forgotten doesn't mean that the repercussions that your body has learned over the years are suddenly all gone."

"How would you know? You don't have PTSD, and you've never had any memories taken away!"

"I've talked to England. And France. We were a part of his colonies at one point, after all. They remembered us without remembering us."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"They felt like something was missing," she exploded, standing up straight, her arms out to her sides. "They knew they were forgetting something, but they never could figure it out until Sam gave them back their memories. Just-" she took a deep breath and forced herself to calm- "think of a blanket, okay?"

"A blanket?"

"It's a metaphor, now shuddup."

"Okay~"

"So this blanket, it's woven and it has a pattern. You can take parts of a blanket out and restitch it so that it won't look like anything was taken out, but you'll always have a feeling that something is off. It's shorter than other blankets; there's a small difference between the stitches on the tear. And you begin to ponder, what isn't there? What am I not being told?"

"I won't-" Evan started, only to get cut off again.

"You. Don't. Know. That," Addison snarled unforgivingly. She sighed harshly again and looked up to the ceiling. Evan saw tears sparkle in her eyes as her shoulders fell in defeat. "I'm _trying_ , Evan. I want to help you. I don't like knowing that you're suffering alone."

She looked at her discarded breakfast and picked it up, walking towards the dining room. "Go pack a few clothes. We're going to talk to Kansas. I'll call them when I'm done."

* * *

Mia opened the door at the Topeka house when Addison and Evan arrived the next day. She smiled warmly at them. " _Siyo_. You guys made good time. Didja stop for lunch along the way?"

Evan shook his head. "We stopped at McDonalds in Nebraska."

Mia laughed warmly. "Of course you did. Well, Destiny's still down in Austin, so it's just me and Liam is upstairs. I love your hair, Addie. That's a pretty purple."

Addison smiled tersely and fingered the end of her hair as Mia lead them into the living room. "Thanks, Mia."

Mia waved a hand over her shoulder as she continued through to the kitchen. "Sorry about the mess, Liam was supposed to help to clean up since they did make the most of the mess, but they're…" Mia trailed off and sighed. "They're not feeling good today."

They left Mia in her thoughtful silence for a few moments before Addison asked, "Sick?"

"Naw, just dysphoric."

Addison hummed softly, and Evan shifted uneasily. Mia's eyes flickered between the two of them before she reached behind her to pick up a cracked mug filled with a steaming liquid. "You guys wanted to talk?"

"With both of you please," Addison said, her voice tired.

Mia watched her for a quick second before nodding and motioning for them to follow her. They went upstairs and down the hallway to the bedroom at the end. Mia knocked on the door softly. "Liam? Addison and Evan are here. They want to talk to the two of us."

There was a pause before a distant, "Fine."

When they opened the door, it was to find Liam leaning against their headboard, legs crossed under themself, balancing a mug on their ankles, fingers wrapped lightly around it. They were only wearing their binder, no shirt, and a pair of sweats that were almost obscured by the tangle of bedding that they had kicked around. Clothes were strewn around the room.

Mia picked her way easily over to Liam and eased herself down next to them, inviting the Dakotas to sit at the foot of Liam's bed. "What did you guys want to talk about?" Mia asked as she drank from her mug, brown eyes trained on the two sitting awkwardly. Liam's pale green eyes focused on Evan as he sighed and looked to Addison.

"Um…" Addison said before clearing her throat and looking at Liam and Mia. "Well…"

"I have a thing about snowstorms," Evan blurted. The two did not look surprised. Mia nodded for him to continue. "And we've tried a lot of things that didn't work…"

"And Evan wants Sam to do the same thing that they did to Destiny to him." There was a moment of stunned silence from the two homeowners across from her and Addison rushed to explain. "And I thought that well, since you guys have lived with Destiny for so long, that you'd know how it affects the person and I just wanted Evan to hear what would happen to him and to me if we got Sam to agree to it."

Mia held up a hand. "Addie, slow down."

Liam cleared their throat. "I guess it would be a little different that what we went through with Tex. Since you already know his triggers and stuff. Just to make sure, Ev, you're not going to panic on us if we're talking about it, right?"

Evan shook his head. "No, I'm good."

"Right...What have you tried?"

Addison breathed out, "Literally _everything_."

Mia hummed and then smiled sadly. "We only had a few choices with Destiny, and sometimes I wonder if some of the other treatments would have helped her, but we found her in many compromising positions before we took her to Sam. We weren't going to wait for any new treatments."

"And nothing has worked for you?" Liam double checked. They nodded. "Not even the medicine?"

Addison looked away harshly, arms folded across her chest as Evan looked sheepishly down at the comforter. "The medicine made it worse," he muttered.

Mia and Liam looked at each other and Mia sighed again. "Well…"

* * *

"Absolutely fucking no."

"Sam please."

"No. I said no."

"Just listen to me-"

"No! I said no," Sam hissed. "Get out. I'm not doing it."

"But Sam please!" Evan begged, following Sam as they stormed into Owen's kitchen. "Please it's the only option."

"It is NOT," Sam roared back, their face turning red in rage. "There are tons of other things that you can do that would work just as well."

"Nothing's working!"

"You're not working hard enough!"

"Sam _please_. You did it for Destiny."

Sam spluttered from the other side of the peninsula. They grabbed a knife and pulled out a cutting board. "Destiny had extenuating circumstances. I had to erase others memories at the same time. She was a country before she was a state."

Evan watched as Sam produced a cantaloupe from the fridge and began slicing it up, completely set on keeping his eyes away from Evan. "But I'm the only one with the mem-"

"You are not," Sam said, punctuating their statement with a rather vicious slam of their knife. "Isabelle was just as affected. And she got past it."

"Trauma affects people in different ways. Surely you know that."

Sam stopped and frowned down at the fruit. They laid the knife down gently to the side and bent forward, their hands covering their face, elbows resting on the table. "Evan, I don't like warping people's memories. It makes me feel evil and like everyone hates me."

"They only hate you because you're rich." At Sam's unimpressed stare, Evan defended, "It's true."

"I'm not even _that_ rich," they muttered as they continued slicing the canteloupe.

"Yeah you are."

Lime green eyes glared back at him. "We're getting off topic. Evan, I don't feel right taking away your memories."

"But I'm _asking_ you too. It's not like what you did with France and Eng-..." The look of fury that crossed Sam's expression was enough for Evan to snap his mouth shut before he finished that sentence.

"Extenuating circumstances again. I had to do that to protect everyone," Sam snapped before bending over and grabbing a tupperware from a cabinet under the peninsula and brushing the sliced cantaloupe into the bin then snapping the lid shut.

The kitchen was silent.

"I've thought about dying."

Sam looked up at him. "You can't," they said flatly.

"Doesn't mean I can't try."

Sam's jaw was set. "Have you?"

"Once."

"Addison doesn't know?"

Evan shook his head and bit his lip as Sam's shoulders slumped forward and their head fell back to stare at the ceiling. They sighed heavily and their head fell down to look at the floor. They growled lightly in the back of their throat.

" _Fine_."

* * *

" _The first few months, I'm not sure how long, are going to be the roughest. Right after Sam takes his memories, someone will need to be with him almost constantly, just to make sure nothing new will trigger him."_

* * *

What was really strange was the amount of attention he was receiving lately. It wasn't just Addison visiting, and she didn't that more often than usual, but Isabelle and Anna were coming over almost every week. Even Mason and Jason, his neighbors to the North, came down to relieve the girls once every two weeks.

But when Addison just moved into his house- literally, she took over the guest room- he finally confronted her about it.

"What are you doing?" he asked one morning as she was making breakfast.

She threw a look over her shoulder at him as though the answer should be obvious.

"Don't you have to be in Pierre like now?"

"My boss shortened my hours. I don't have to be in until 10 and it's only an hour and a half to get to my place." Leaving just enough time for her to see him to his capital before she left.

Evan rubbed his forehead. "But wouldn't it be easier to just stay in Pierre?"

She hummed. "Yeah it would, but I sold my apartment."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I never liked living in the city. Prefer the countryside. It's prettier out there."

"So you bought a house in the countryside?" Evan asked, thinking to himself that Pierre looked less like a capital city and more like a small city in the middle of the country.

"No I'm still looking."

"And you're staying with me because?"

"Uh, you're my twin bro? And you love me. And you never kick me out."

"Why did you sell your house before you got a new one?"

"I'm terrible at planning things out?"

"How soon do you think you'll have that house ready?"

"What's the rush, Ev? Don't you love having me here? Geez you're nosy this morning."

* * *

" _He'll be agitated for a while after that, most commonly during the winter. Destiny always gets agitated if we go too far South or around the Remembrance Day."_

" _He'll get angry, most likely more often than now because he knows something important is missing."_

* * *

He woke up with a gasp one night in September. His heart hammered in his chest as he sat up in bed, breathing hard as though he had been holding it for a long time. He couldn't remember the dream, just pieces- a name, freezing, terror, and sinking realization of something missing. His mouth tasted of blood and he forces himself out of bed and into his bathroom.

He stared at his reflection, at the bags under his eyes and ran a hand threw his hair, puffing still. His breath fogged up the mirror and he stared at it for a second before reaching out with a shaking hand and writing 'W-I-L-B-E-R-T' in the condensation.

It faded quickly in his cold bathroom as he tried to remember why he had written it. There was a timid knock on the door and it swung open to reveal Minnesota in her pajamas, her hair tied up. "Ev?" she asked sleepily.

"Hey uh…"

"Ian."

"Ian," he puffed out before leaning over the sink. "Right. It was just a nightmare. I'm good, go back to sleep."

Ian didn't listen and instead she eased herself next to him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "I can't even remember it, it doesn't matter," he said just as he grit his teeth and his jaw locked like that. He gripped the roots of his hair and let out a low groan.

"Evan?" Ian asked alarmed.

"Why can't I remember?" he demanded, his voice too hard in the early morning. "Who's Wilbert?"

Ian frowned. "Wilbert?"

"He was small, and scared, and cold, that's...I dreamed…"

Ian looked uneasy and she grabbed him by his elbow. "Come on, Evan, let's go watch a movie."

"No, you need to sleep," he tried to protest as she pulled him out into his living room.

"I'm not sleeping when you're this upset. What do you want to watch?"

* * *

" _When there is a snowstorm, you'll need to be with him, keeping him calm because the gap is strongest then, and the agitation will increase."_

" _He might lash out at you. He needs to vent his frustration out and you'll always be tied into the missing memories. Remember, he doesn't really mean it."_

* * *

"Ev!" Addison shouted from the kitchen. "A little help please?"

He looked up from his book and groaned. He didn't want to leave his cushiony seat and blanket nest by the fireplace as the familiar chill spread through his body. "With what?"

"Just get in here!"

Growling, he kicked off his blankets and stood up and stomped over to the kitchen. "What?" he snarled, anger radiating off of him easily.

Addison didn't seem fazed as she turned to him, brushing her hair out of the way as she showed him a tray of gingerbread men fresh from the oven. "Decorate them with me," she begged. When he didn't seem willing to comply, she pouted at him. "Come on, we used to do this as kids."

"For Christmas," he reminded her, anger simmering through his body, tightening his arms and twisting in his gut.

"Well it loo- It's close enough," she defended.

"Halloween was yesterday," he said flatly, almost biting his lip to keep from snapping at her.

"Buh-pfft-fuhfuh… hmph," she stammered. "Ugh you're no fun. Just decorate them with me, please?"

"Addie," he seethed. Cookies. She made him get up for cookies.

"What?"

He sighed and twisted his mouth into an intense frown. "I was reading."

"Oh um," she rubbed her nose, smearing brown sugar there, which on another day would have made him laugh, but today it was just irritating. "Sorry, you can go read if you want," she said, trying to not sound disappointed. She turned away from him and placed the tray down as he turned curtly and stomped back to his seat.

She tucked the cookies into a tupperware container. Maybe they could decorate them some other time. He normally wouldn't-

She shook her head to forget that train of thought. It was useless now. What was done, was done.

Addison peeked into the sitting room where Evan was reading. He was wrapped up again by the fire, reading his book with almost violent vigor. The sides of the book were gripped tightly and the pages were turned almost as if he wanted to tear them.

"I can feel you staring at me," he snapped and jerked his head towards her. "What?" he spat venomously.

"Nothing," she said gently. holding up her hands in surrender. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

She sighed and said, "Nevermind Evan."

"No I want to know."

"Evan, just read your book."

"No, what are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding anything!"

"Yeah right. Tell me." He stood up out of his seat and made his way to the kitchen, Addison backed into the room, putting the island between them.

"But I'm not hiding anything."

"God Addison, you're always like this."

"Like what?"

"Like it's a huge government secret."

"What's a big gov-"

"Whatever you're not telling me!"

"I'm not-"

"Don't lie to me. Everyone else knows. You, Isabelle, Anna, Mason, Jason, Sam, and everyone else. _What_? What is it? Why can't I know? Do you not trust me?"

She pressed her lips together and blinked hard against the tears. She knew he would never ever hit her, but he was frightening when he yelled.

"What? What is it?"

She shook her head.

"No? No what? You can't tell me?"

"No-I just-"

"What?"

"Evan, you need to calm down."

"Don't tell me what to do?"

"You're just working yourself up over noth-"

"It's not nothing!"

"How do you know?"

"Because I can feel it." He seized handfuls of his hair and held the handfuls so tight that his knuckles turned white. He stared at the island, his eyes alight with a crazy air. "I can feel it; it's like a trap in my mind and I don't want to touch it too often or else I'll fall to Hell or something and never get out. It's- it's-!"

Addison watched as Evan fell back against the wall with a thud and slowly sat down and curled his arms up over his head. After a moment, when she was sure the noises she heard were sniffles, she rounded the island and approached her brother. She sat far enough away from him that if he were to react harshly and physically, she would not be hit, but close enough that she could whisper to him.

"Evan, Evan. Are you okay, buddy?"

The 'no' that she received in answer was more of a sob.

"What are you feeling? Anxious? Tired? Sad?"

"I don't know," he mumbled into his arms.

"Well, do you know that you're safe?" A nod. "Do you feel safe?" A head shake. "How would you feel safe?"

Evan was silent for a while before he mumbled. "Warm."

"Okay, do you think you can walk to the fireplace? Do you want me to help you, or do you want me to get you a blanket?"

He was quiet for another moment before he breathed in shakily. "I can-"

Addison waited until she was certain he wouldn't be finishing his sentence. "Nod if you can walk to the fireplace, shake your head 'no' if you want me to help you there, or stay still if you want me to get your blanket?"

He shook his head no.

"Okay, I'm going to take your left hand now, okay? Now I'm going to help you get to your feet. Good job, Ev. I have my arm around your waist, your left arm is around my shoulders, and we're going to walk out of the kitchen. It's ten steps to the fireplace, can you count them with me?"

Once they got to the fireplace, Addison busied herself with gathering up as many pillows and blankets that she could find and giving them to Evan, who arranged them how he would like them. Once he was sitting morosely in front of the fire, she added another log to it before bending down to look Evan in the eyes, wiping the charcoal on her skirt.

"Do you feel safe now?"

He nodded.

"What else are you feeling?"

He looked up at her with his big, dumb, blue-green eyes. "Hungry. Can I have one of the cookies now?"

She smiled at him and ruffled his hair as she stood up. "Fine, but you're helping me decorate them tomorrow."

As she piled the cookies onto a plate and waited for the water to boil for their hot chocolate, she stared out the kitchen window and watched the snowflakes dance in the gentle wind.

* * *

" _Don't get too down on yourself because of him. It's hard. Really hard. We're going to be in the same boat. If you need help or a drink, just call."_

* * *

A/N: Wilbert is the name of a boy who died from exposure to the cold during the blizzard of 1941 as his parents tried to carry him to safety through the blizzard

Connecticut is in my multi-chapter story _Remember Me When the Rainbow Falls,_ as well as _Have You Forgotten?_

North/South Dakota, Kansas, Texas, and Oklahoma will appear in the second chapter of _Have You Forgotten?_


End file.
